I’ve read enough of Brené Brown’s writing to understand the concept of vulnerability, and how shame stops us from being fully engaged in our own lives. Vulnerability is essentially putting oneself out there, being authentic, saying and doing what you feel is true, despite the potential for negative pushback and judgment. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is allowing yourself to be exposed. Letting people see who you are and what you think without a filter.
It can be frightening, and I know from experience that this fear has stopped me from doing many things. I thought it was a lack of knowledge and skill that held me back. Turns out, it was an intense fear of being vulnerable. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being judged.
While it often has a negative connotation, transformation happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. To take risks. Arguably, it’s the only way that change and personal growth can occur. I’m slowly beginning to embrace a higher level of vulnerability as I age and begin to leave my current career life and venture into retirement. Still, it’s hard because my innate tendency is to hold back. This tendency has gotten worse with time, particularly as I moved further in my career.
So let’s talk about vulnerability when posting on a personal blog. I don’t post as often as I want because the words often feel stilted and forced. I’m still hiding. When I do post, I feel like I am exposing my insecurities. About my career. About my weight. About my past floundering and times I’ve given up. It’s uncomfortable to explore these thoughts, and I feel like I’m choking on the words that I write. Have I said too much? Put too much out there? Will I regret posting this?
I’d like to say: enough of that. Writing about difficult experiences can help with regaining one’s sense of power and control. I think that’s what I need to do to push through this transition. Be more authentic, more exposed, and willing to face the feedback. The posts where I’ve done this have been the most cathartic.
And yet, I remain fearful. It would be easier to write about fluff things here, but I don’t think that it would get me anywhere. I may be throwing things at the wall with this blog, to see what sticks, but that seems part of the transition process. I’m allowed to explore and see where differnt paths lead to.
Photo by Tomas Kirvela on Unsplash